Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
