He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
