I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
