if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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