Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
