yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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