I could make wine with my vomit
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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