a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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