Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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