i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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