Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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