I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
