This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
