how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
