How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
