No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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