I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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