I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
