in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
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