The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
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I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
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My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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