Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
