Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
