The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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