Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
