Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
