now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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