Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
