Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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