if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize