We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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