R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
