He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
