Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You ate ashes out of my bong
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
