Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize