I looked at my own cervix.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
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I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
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we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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