we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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