I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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