**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
