you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
