After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
