I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
