i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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