I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I met the friendliest cop last night
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
