your room smells of hookers.
And success
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
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that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
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He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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