sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
