she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
