guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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