So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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