Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
