508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
