the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
