You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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