my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Randomize
