her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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