I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
