He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
