what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
