You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
