Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
