I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
