i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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