You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
