Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
