boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Houston, we have a blender
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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