so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You took a bar mat shot.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
