Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
