I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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