you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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