is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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