He asked to "fluff my boner.."
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
