he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
