Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
